Lifestyle Transition Stress

One of the most common sources of lifestyle transition stress that I see is communications failure. Insufficient communication with our family is a habit that most of us are guilty of-- we think "they know" us and our thoughts. Insufficient communication has tangible, unpleasant consequences that can negatively impact the lifestyle transition experience, regardless of whether the move is emotionally perceived positively as an exciting event by the actual mover.

I wrote in an earlier post about adult children successfully talking with an Elder about new and appropriate lifestyle choices. However, sometimes the point of resistance is actually the Adult Children, who don't understand or don't wish to support (for a variety of reasons) a lifestyle transition choice by their parents.

Rather than waiting until a moment of lifestyle crisis to inform or discuss your preferences, we see much better results from Elders who initiate joint family planning session with open, honest & direct interaction. Your wealth manager, family office executive or religious advisor is a good choice for a facilitator.

The two overt goals for this meeting (or series of meetings) are to:

1. Secure respect and support for your personal lifestyle wishes for each stage of your future life, including final arrangements
2. Identify and scope expected financial and lifestyle interdependencies and plan appropriately

This meeting will trigger emotions. In the preparation stages, my clients often experience performance anxiety. During the meeting itself everyone gets caught up in the natural rhythm of surfacing emotions, memories, and concerns. Afterwards, there is typically exhilaration, because my clients feel so proud to have lead by example (yet again) for their children. Celebration, and sometimes atonement, are possible and valued outcomes.

Lifestyle transitions are the result of a planning process, which can trigger the matrix of emotions within a family relationship. Most of us don't shed belongings, or consider a lifestyle change, in a vacuum. Rather than waiting until a lifestyle transition is thrust upon us, my first piece of advice to any potential client is that we are always more effective and satisfied when we are collaborative, communicative and proactive in deciding and implementing our preferences.